March 14th, 2005//Been a while, I'll have to admit

It snowed today. Quite a bit, actually. The weather has been very erratic lately, so who knows what tomorrow'll be like. I bombed my last test in English, mainly because I didn't read the first chapter of 'All The Pretty Horses.' I'll just have to read a lot tomorrow. Oh, and I was thinking: If men are to have an objective moral philosophy without God, there'll still have to be some universal principle standing over all of mankind as the Judge instead of Yahweh or any of the other gods. I was reading some objectivist literature when this came to mind.

January 24th, 2005//I have a lot I want to say, but it'll have to wait till tomorrow

I'm repeatedly getting to posting too late, but not so late that I can't provide a brief summary of my day.

School was generally fine. I had forgotten to pick up a book on Friday, so I had to read the whole seventy pages between today and tomorrow. =_= Oh well, it's only due to my neglect. And she came up to me and said: "I'm worried about your test. I told you that you need to come see me about charting metaphors, but you never showed up." I told her I was pretty sure I had a decent grasp of it and left it at that. I won't know until she grades it, however. Honors English is fine, I jsut can't get used to the atmosphere in the room. I'm typically rather quiet in English, and the whole room is so... open. Even so, I may be a student in the classroom, but I feel as if I'm merely watching the procession of events through some thick screen of glass that manages to transmit sound perfectly; perhaps it is because the others feel a certain apprehension towards me, maybe it's because I know I didn't do to well on the last paper, but overall, it stands moot in the face of my objective: to take a shot at earning some college credit. The test at the end, I mean. I vastly prefer Miss. Wuerz to Starkey, but I'm in there for a reason and I shall achieve that reason. She is only a means to an end for me.

My day has been fairly normal. The book I referred to earlier, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance," is actually turning out to be a decent piece of literature. I'm also beginning a short story that I'll have complete in a few months: it's for scholarship consideration, so I'm spending my time on fleshing out the setting and scene elaboration.

Tomorrow, I shall speak extensively of some of the things I have been thinking of. Till then.

January 22nd, 2005///I'm Tired.

I'm only posting this brief notice because I want to make a habit of posting everyday.

Dear my lovely blog, it was a normal day, and it ended alright, though it was a bit rough around the edges. I was so distracted today that I ddin't get any work done (including that goddamned tome of a book that I checked out. The christian one) I need to do all of that first thing tomorrow morning. That and decide how to spend my last 35$.

I'm going to bed. Night, Mr. Blog.

January 21st, 2005//Monks, research, and a exploration of the Chaos Theory on the human condition

Well ,World History today was interesting. We were having "Monk activity day." When you walk in, the first thing you notice is that all lights beyond these candles that're set on each desk are turned off (the windows are covered and theo verhead lights are turned off) There's absolutely no talking, and you have to transcribe mythological texts onto blank paper in cursive with ink. This Celtic chanting music was playing in the background, and Mr. Boston was dressed in this creepy brown robe. It was definitely something else.

My mother slept all day today (from 1 - 7, and then from 9 - 5). She constantly exhausts herself on her working days by not going to bed till 1 and getting up for work at 3 in the morning. I told her tha she needs to get her schedule straightened out, but I don't think she took my words to heart. ^^;

I'm beginning my research for Avant-Garde either tonight or tomorrow. I plan on spending my first several months of research on the history of Christianity and its effects on various societies in the world in the past (The thick tome of a history book I got, "The Christian World," constantly tries to send subtle messages fo christianity superiority into the reader's head, but the book itself seems historically accurate, so I don't care how christian-oriented it is. All I want from it is the history) After I get done with my intensive reasearch and note-taking with that, I'll head to the general history section and fish out specific books elaborating on specific periods of time in Europe and how christianity was during those periods. I may also get one of those books making arguments for the existence of God, just to see if their arguments have any solidity to them. But mainly just several books detailing its effects on society in the past. From there I'll move from European history to the history of Germany, France, and England, which I'll also need extensive research on. After I've done all this (I should be near graduation by then), I'll look more into the ideas of past philosophers and definitely bury my head into the realm of chemistry and physics (mainly physics), and several important works inthe history of scientific discovery, probably starting with Darwin's "The Origin of Species." After this, I'll just research other smaller topics I need information on (such as the workings of the judicial system in America and in other countries) I may also get a bit into the political philosophy, like Marx (I hate socialism, but "The Communist Manifesto" is a work that demands to be read regardless.

The concept of 'Chaos Theory' (that all created systems will tend to disorder if not directed by some outward force, namely humans) is an interesting one to me. It seems true enough of everything: A novel without an established direction will make a mess of itself, political systems left to themselves dissolve into anarchy, and certainely a philosophy without a direction would end up in the toilet. And yet, it makes one wonder: If evolution wasn't guided by some sort of force, how did it result in such successful ways. I mean, sure, there're mutation,s but overall animals are far more advanced today than they were several thousand years ago. Theists would obviously name God as the cause, but it is hard for the nonreligious man to explain this phenomenon. The fact that all life springs from the simplest form from a bubbling pool of primordial soup is easy to accept, but it amazes one how it only took several billion years to evolve from a single-celled organism to the beautifully complex creatures that're human beings. Someone might reason from this that this is proof of intelligent design, but that can be said of anything. It's giving in. People thought that the Earth was flat thousands of years ago, and based on their own knowledge of the world it seemed totally reasonable. They didn't know anything about gravity or the atmosphere or the rotation of the Earth. It was easy for them to point to the flatness of the Earth and say 'this is flat,' and it's equally easy to look at this phenomenon in the course of evolution and say 'this is proof of intelligent design.' Granted, we already know quite a bit about evolution, but there is a whole goldmine still waiting to be discovered. But putting aside evolution, what really interests me is the application of the chaos theory ot the human condition. Humans who live with no purpose and waste there lives away as such have disordered, shallow lives, where true richness in life comes from actually discovering what you wish to do with your life and sticking with it. The man without ambition is only killing himself. He reeks of society's stagnant anti-intellectualism, and withers in the pathetic bile of his own stupidity and tragedy. Thus we could say to escape from 'chaos,' we must organize our lives in a rational way so that we understand the workings of our own lives. This may be acheived by purely systematic means. An individual with a mixed up life need merely to analyze the aspects of his or her life and measure its rationality and functionality. He must analyze them both on a singular level and on an inter-connected level. If we can manage this, we can pinpoint the problems in our lives. Thus, to isolate the extra variable, we must simplify the equation down to merely the variable and the means. When we do this, we must determine the variable's natural connection with the means. When we can finally equal it down to a = #some number, b = #some number, and a + b = c, then we can also simplify the chaos of our lives down to: this aspect of my life = this level of rationality and functionality, this aspect of my life = this level of functionality and rationality, and the interconnection between aspect 1 and aspect 2 = this amount of rationality and functionality. If a doesn't equal the correct number, and that aspect of life doesn't equal that specific level of rationality and functionality, then you know you've identified the extra variable. And when I say functionality, I don't mean merely on a pragmatic level or an existential level: I mean on an emotional level as well. All of these must be taken into account to result in a practical variable or aspect of life. Man cannot live by reason or emotion alone: He must live by finding an equilibrium between all aspects of his self. If an aspect of life is beyond a person's control, mainly in the form of being underage, it thus becomes a(#/amount of time neccesary to wait) + b = c, and until you reach that year that your actions become your own and you're legally an adult, you'll have to wait patiently for the time ot come, unless you plan on rebelling, in which case it becomes a(#/amount of time it'll take to gain control) + b = c. Considering that 'c' is the variable one wishes to meet, the saddest equation for life one way find is a(/b) - b(/a) = c. Each person loses a part of themselves when they lose their significant other. Well, that's enough speculation for tonight.

Till later.

January 20th, 2004//Hi, my dear blog

It was a pretty normal day. We ahve to watch the Princess Bride in film class *note: I hate that movie ^^;* and I've been thinking about this prose poem I want to do all day long.

Well, see you tomorrow. Byyyyyyye.

January 18th, 2005// I haven't been able to access this damned account for awhile now

Sorry I haven't posted much yet, my dear blog. I couldn't get the stupid log-in to work.

Anyhow, I have a certifiable obsession with Maison Ikkoku now, for some reason. I don't know, it's just such a touching, beautiful story.

Took me awhile, but Ragnarok is underway. I'm keeping a lot of info in my writing folder, and I'm working on organizing it. I've discovered something: I can't write well without first extensively planning out my work.

Well, anyhow, I promise you I'll post again tomorrow, Mr. Blog. I love you. Later.

December 12th, 2004// I'm going to post much more often now

Well, a lot has happened. The main highlight of my year was visiting Rosemary in New York City. It was a lovely time.

I've been so lazy about blogging that I've been keeping a writing journal on sheets on paper, which I plan on transcribing into wordpad, then into this blog soon. And once Rosemary completes my writing blog, I'll just move all of my writing stuff there.

This new work that I've started I've begun working on. The first chapter. I am quite excited.

And of course, no post would be complete without mentioning Rosemary's most gorgeous codes for my Escaflowne fanlisting. She is truly a talented digital artist.

October 19th, 2004// General day...

General, basic day, as I said. Not that I'm complaining: It's been comfortable.

We have a huge science test coming up next week, so I have to study like a dog over the weekend. =_=; Chemistry is a good class, but gosh, am I bad at Science.

My English teacher adored the essay on 'women's roles in a different culture' that I wrote, so she made me read it to the class. What she wrote on it was: "Great, as I expected." English teachers always pounce me the moment they see one of my essays. She's a nice lady, I like her.

We painted more in Interior Design today. Paint-water is always scary: The first time it turned pink, then after I got new water it turned puke green, third time it turned purple with red dots floating around in it. It seriously looked diseased.

Business math = Math, math, and more math. Enough said.

Sociology was fun, as usual: We had to take a few notes, but afterwards we watched a video on Jim Jones and read an article on cults in general. WATCHING ACCOUNTS OF MASS SUICIDE IS FUN!!!

Algebra was torture. She moved around our seating chart, so I was moved into the back. Then, when we weren't even doing anything, she screamed at me about reading a book. =_= I mean, geez, she hadn't been talking. Well, she irrationally threatened a few other students as well, so I'm glad I was spared that of all things. Psycho teacher. ^^;

Writing Section

Physical Account of Michelle Walker

Hair: It's very long. When it's let down fully, it hangs down to the beginning of her waist. She almost always keeps the longest strands of hair pulled up by braids, while she lets the rest hang free; it is usually just over shoulder length in this form. She spends fourty five minutes every morning on her hair alone, so as to braid it perfectly; this isn't mentioning how long she takes in the shower using all sorts of hair products on it. The hair is extremely healthy and vibrant due to this attention, so it rarely sees a day where it has knots or isn't as smooth as silk. No hair over the ears. She usually allows herself a few bangs to hang over when hanging around the house, but not enough to cover the forehead at all, and she allows no bangs to hang over during formal occasions. The only time she takes her braids out is when she showers and when she goes to formal social settings: when she goes somewhere nice or important, she'll redo her entire hair scheme and let her hair go free. Also, when she performs manual labor, she puts her hair into two long pigtails. The color of her hair is golden-blond. It shimmers in te sun as it sways gracefully, which gives her a rich appearance, even though she's only middle-class.

Face: Her eyes are sharp and extremely feminine, with long eyelashes and a seductive design. They burn a fiery red; though several people are disturbed by this, many still find this aspect of her to be attractive. The skin of her face is generally slightly pale, as she doesn't see sun too often, not awfully pale, but lighter-skinned than dark-skinned giving her an appeal of fragility. Her cheeks are large and plump, typical of a female face, with no blush, however. Her eyelids are naturally light-colored, about the same tone as the rest of her. She has wispy, shaved eyebrows. Michelle's nose is very soft and rounded: feminine in nature, like the rest of her. The nostrils are normal-sized. Her ears are small. As such, her lips are also very small, tender, with a natural tone of pink to them. The tongue and all of her teeth are small as well. Deceptively frail face as a whole.

Body: Her neck is incredibly feminine: medium-length with a fair skin tone, skinny with some meat on it, and a small adam's apple that is hardly noticeable, merely serving as a favorable accent to the whole. Her frame is slightly more muscular than the typical female, but it still is noticeably attractive in nature; her collar-bone is readily apparent in its size and for the fact that it looks oddly boney compared to the rest of her features. Angular shoulders lead into sleek, slim arms that look almost elastic in their flexible appearance, as if her joints were lose hinges (she's not double-jointed). Her wrists are also strangely bony compared to her meek hands and delicate fingers. Her breasts are rather small, 34 C, yet large enough to be satisfying to herself. Her nipples are very sleek and delicate. Her stomach is rounded well, pulled together by tight muscles. Her waist is rather skinny, along with her flat buttocks and pin-thread legs, which manage to be only slightly meaty while still abnormally skinny. Her ankles are boney, while her feet are thin, delicate, and incredibly feminine in design and general poise.

October 18th, 2004// I WILL POST HERE EVERY DAY!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Not been too bad today. I watched some adorable little film called "Sleepless in Seattle." I loved it. Go love! ^.^

Not sure if I knew of it the last time I posted, but if I haven't mentioned it, I will now: In November, I'm going to NYC to meet Rosemary. *Squeals* I am so looking forward to it. ^_^

This new year is pretty cool: I have A's and B's in everything except Chemistry, which I'm trying to get to a B or a C. It'll be there by the time I leave for NYC. My favorite classes are easily English and Sociology. My least favorite are probably Chemistry and Business Math (It's so boring =_=) All we have to do right now in Interior Design is mix colors and paint them on sheets of paper. Before we had to do a ton of these house designs, but now we're just working with paint. Fine by me. I wish we could have nap time in that class too. That'd be too cool.

I LOVE LESBIANS!!!

Sorry, it just had to be said. ^^;

Writing Section

Until Rosemary honey gets the writing blog up, I'll just devote a sepeare section to it in my regular blog. ^^

I've finally got the physical description of Terra down onto paper. Quite detailed, actually. I'll use it as reference for my character later in the story when describing her in detail. Anyhow:

Physical Account of Main Character Terra Andrea Williams

Hair: It's shoulder-length when she lets it down, but it is usually pulled up into a long ponytail (only takes it off for showers and formal occasions). The ponytail starts at the very back of her head, where it is bound tightly, then it curls half-way down: the tip of it is level with the base of her neck. She always keeps a good portion of her bangs down, due to the fact that she hates letting her forehead show. Her hair is clean, wispy, and slightly stringy, though not in a greasy sense... stringy in a fresh yarn way. The hair color is light brown, with short streaks of dark brown (it's natural as well) running throughout the course of her hairline. The only loose hair she allows is her bangs, and the curly strands of hair acting as her sideburns.

Face: Her eyes are wide horizontally and narrow vertically, peppering her natural expression with an uncontrollable tone of seriousness; it's almost masculine, and considered improper for a lady by society. The skin on her face in general is a consistent medium tan, adding a rich texture to her skin. Not dark, merely a richer-looking caucasian. Her eyelids are a shade darker than her tanned face, and merely a step shy of being dark themselves. Her eyelashes, in contrast to the rest of her features, exude a feminine sensuality in their nature: long, black, and numerous in number. They tend to be one of her two unique feautures which stick out the most to others, and stand as the only touch of feminine design to her face. Her actual eyes are a brilliant ocean blue, radiant around her pitch plack pupils; a sexless brilliance that causes them to be pure in their simplicity. Her cheeks are flat without being boney, but tend to flair to a bright red when she blushed, which is a rare occurence. Her nose is rigid and pointed; a collage of sharp angles upon the canvas of her face, with small openings for her nostrils beneath. The full-face tan is just a tad lighter around both of her ears, but not to a readily noticeable degree. Her mouth is large in shape, but with wide, juicy-red lips. Her teeth are also large, pointed in shape, and clean in both essense and color, showing only the glistening shimmer of pure-white teeth. She has incredibly long, near fang-like canines, and shorter incisors which are equally as sharp. It goes without saying that she has a very masculine tongue. Her chin is pointed in shape, and along with her nose, her face is given an incredibly angular appearance, as if designed by some cosmic ruler.

Body: She has a lengthy, thin, and flexible neck. Her adam's apple is small and barely visible. She has a slightly large frame which is more muscular than that of most women: Her shoulders are strong, slanted into a downward slope, while she has lean, slightly tanned arms, neither masculine or feminine. Her hands are bony, which causes her large knuckles to be noticeable and makes her fingers appear longer. Her cup size for her breasts is 40 D, not too large, but large enough, and her nipples are thick and stubby. She has a skinny, angular stomach, along with an equally angular and slightly mucular back. Her waist is large and curvy, tight with sharply angled flesh. Her legs are also shapely and lack flab of any sort. She has large, bony feet and medium-sized ankles.

August 26th, 2004// I Hate Teenagers

Seriously, I hate the little shits. Apparently I'm the joke of the class in English because of my rather booming voice when I read things. They giggle and snicker at me everytime I say anything. I swear, it's like elementary school.

Generally fine day. Well, besides the before-mentioned event and the fact that my mom had a shitty day at work and yelled at me when I asked what happened.

Well, for now, that's all I have to say.

August 21'st, 2004// New Layout, New Post, New Year of School, Same Life...

Firstly, I'd like to thank Rosemary for making me such a lovely (verylesbianish) and pretty layout. I love it. ^_^ Thanks, honey!

Yesterday was rather... meh. Got into a thing with Rosemary. We both act too much like children sometimes, but I guess everyone is like that.

Not much happened today. I worked on homework, talked to my girlfriend, and played Metal Gear Solid: VR Missions (Great game). I have too much homework, and this amount is minute compared to the amount I'll be getting later on. But I will get As in all of my classes!

My new classes are (in order): Chemistry, English, Interior Design, Business Math, Sociology, and a newly added class, Algebra 1, which I failed 3 times in a row due to laziness. -_- Anyhow, my classes are all going fine so far, but my English teacher is a Christian. *Shudders* And she acts like a female version of Mr. Rogers. Not a bad lady, but annoying as hell with her sweet-toothed philosophy on life, her seemingly sewn on smile (It never changes), and her stupid catch phrases. But at least she's not a total bitch like some teachers are. By far, my favorite new teacher is the one running Sociology. A very friendly, intelligent, fun guy. I almost hate myself for saying this, but he does "make learning fun." The others kind of fade into the background, but they're all good people and decent teachers.

I've had a recent obsession with Azumanga Daioh. IT'S JUST SO COOL!!! I love everything about the show. ^_^

LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN. Happy, Rosemary honey?

Well, I'm done ramblin for tonight. Bye, ya'll.